In a healthy love relationship, there is respect, trust and safety. Unfortunately, it is also common for someone in a relationship to experience control, jealousy or violence. This applies not only to adults, but also to young people. Little is still known about the experiences of young people with mild intellectual disability (lvb) with dating, romantic and sexual relationships.
In a healthy love relationship, there is respect, trust and safety. Unfortunately, it is also common for someone in a relationship to experience control, jealousy or violence. This applies not only to adults, but also to young people. Little is still known about the experiences of young people with mild intellectual disability (lvb) with dating, romantic and sexual relationships.
How do they experience love? What do they see as normal behaviour in a relationship? And how do they deal with situations where someone crosses the line? The research report Dan kan ik het wel vertrouwen, want ik check z’n telefoon mapped the relationship experiences of young people with lvb between 16 and 22 years old, with a special focus on (ex-)partner violence.
Experiences of young people themselves
For the study, 23 young people aged between 16 and 22 were spoken to. Their stories show that many young people with lvb have an ideal image of relationships: you should always be available, share everything with each other and see each other a lot. Jealousy and control are sometimes even seen as a sign of love. This makes it difficult to recognise when a relationship is no longer fun. Online control plays a big role in this. Young people sometimes feel obliged to share their location, call constantly or have their phone checked.
Control as a sign of love
Strong feelings of infatuation and dependence can make young people tolerate behaviour that is harmful to themselves or the other person. During a focus group exercise on what young people like and dislike about dating and relationships, jealousy was mentioned several times as something positive. "If someone is jealous, then you know they really like you," said a 17-year-old. At the same time, participants also indicated that "being able to do your own thing" is important in a relationship. These conflicting ideas about trust, freedom and control make it difficult for young people to recognise unhealthy dynamics.
Recommendations
The study highlights the importance of preventive interventions starting at an early age. Lvb adolescents need tools to learn to regulate emotions, set boundaries, recognise unhealthy relationship patterns. And to deal with sexuality and online behaviour in a safe way. The report offers concrete recommendations and focal points for interventions, parents, educators, and counsellors. With the right support and open conversations, young people with lvb can develop more in their relationships. And signals of partner violence are recognised and discussed earlier.Thus, it appears crucial to:
Make relationships and sexuality discussable as early as the age of 12
Teaching young people about healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns
Recognising and discussing controlling behaviour and jealousy
Making young people aware of their own wishes, limits and rights
Discussing online behaviour and sexting without judging
Break gender-stereotypical expectations about relationships
